Being Poor is Expensive.

Well, today totally sucks! It's pay day, and already my money is gone. I went grocery shopping and spent money I don't have to buy food, which I have to have, and I still don't have everything I need. It's gonna be slim pickins around here for the next two weeks. Now, I have to pay the rent, electric, and cable, and then I'll be completely broke, and I havent paid anything on any of the pay day loans or any other bills I owe from this check. I was -544.00 in my account before my check even hit the bank, and I'll probably be the same way for my next check. Most of that negative balance was due to bounce fees I had to pay to the bank, because I have things automatically try to debit my account, and every one that tries to go through costs me $30. I tried to call these people before they tried to debit their things, to try to make payment arrangements that wouldn't cause me to get more bounce fees, and they all said there was nothing to do about it. So, it will happen again. I paid 800.00 in bounce fees last month. If I had that 800.00, I could have paid half of the dang bills I owe. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it. You get in a cycle, where you're in the negative before your check hits, and anything that goes into the bank goes to those fees first, so there's not enough to pay the bills, so you get more bounce fees, and so on and so on.. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I will be okay.. I keep telling myself that. j will get his license back tomorrow, and then he can get a job (Im praying anyway) and then with the zillion hours I'm working this pay period (16 hours yesterday alone) I will hopefully be able to climb out of this hole. Nobody has donated anything at all except my buddy B who lent/gave me the 292.00, and so far, that's it. I'm on my own with all this, I guess. At least it makes me feel better to write it down and get it all out, so I guess that's something. One of the payday loans is about to attach my next paycheck too for the full amount, so thats gonna be embarrassing, but it's actually kinda good, because they will be paid off, and the money won't go to the bank and get eaten. Of course, then I'll owe the bank the fees, and whatevers left will get eaten, so I won't probably even have money for food and to pay my phone bill outta my next check. Can you say, "SOUP KITCHEN"?? Maybe by then, J will have a job and get a little bit of money. It's not likely, but it could happen. In the meantime, I feel all flustered and anxious, waiting to see just how much I will be in the negative by my next check, and waiting for the phone calls to start from the pay day loan people telling me that they couldn't get payment. Thang God for caller ID and my answering machine, it makes avoidance and denial a lot easier.